


Color Commentary

by ChrissiHR



Series: It's the Great Countdown, Darcy Lewis [29]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: 31 Days Of Halloween, Alternate Universe - Creatures & Monsters, F/M, Flirting, Gen, Ghostbusters theme, Humor, October 29, October Prompt Challenge, Promptober, Ray Parker Jr., Wordcount: 100-1.000, Wordcount: 100-2.000, Wordcount: 500-1.000, Wordcount: Under 10.000, crackfic, song prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 05:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12550024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrissiHR/pseuds/ChrissiHR
Summary: Night 29 ...in which Darcy's big mouth works out in more ways than one.





	Color Commentary

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thestanceyg](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thestanceyg/gifts).



> Prompt: Darcy x Phil, Ghostbusters theme song by Ray Parker Jr.
> 
> Pre-read by @phoenix-173

“It’s not a ghost.”

“It sounds like a ghost,” Director Coulson remarked offhandedly with his back to a tree and his sidearm at ready position as the thing wailed into the night. “The locals all reported sightings of a large, full-bodied apparition moving between the trees at the edge of the campground.”

“Can’t be a ghost,” Agent Lewis argued. “I called my Uncle Peter. He says the readings are all wrong.” She flashed her Starkpad at the director, pointing out the EMF readings in particular. “Dr. Stantz and Dr. Spengler both agreed. It’s probably a bear.”

A rock hit the tree beside Coulson’s head.

“That is remarkably good aim for a bear.” He lifted a challenging eyebrow.

Agent Lewis huffed. “So it’s not a bear. That doesn’t make it a ghost. Maybe it’s the Jersey Devil. Maybe it’s  _ **Moth Man**_. C’mon, Son of Coul,” she needled her favorite Man in Black. “Eyewitnesses are notoriously unreliable in supernatural and paranormal sightings. Even Barton--who is known professionally for his inhuman eyesight--once mistook a pizza grease stain behind his own front door for an intruder of unknown origin.”

“In his defense,” Coulson deadpanned, “it was a very menacing stain.”

“To make no mention of the fact that he was high as a kite from the painkillers for his broken leg.” Darcy rolled her eyes fondly. “Also, it is disgusting that there is a pizza stain on his wall large enough to mistake for a person. Barton needs a babysitter.”

“That’s why he’s got us.” Coulson flashed her wry grin, swapped out his Glock for an ICER and shifted to take aim.

“Double-tap,” Agent Lewis whispered. “If it’s some gnarly, backwoods Skunk Ape, I don’t want the final report in my file to read ‘face eaten by El Chupacabra because Director Coulson was too cheap to fire the second round’.”

At the mention of El Chupacabra, Coulson’s eyes narrowed.

“Whassamatter, Phil?” she snickered. “Something got your goat?”

Coulson gave her a withering glare.

But the next rock aimed at her Starkpad cut off Darcy’s laughter. She gasped. “You fucker. I pickpocketed that from drunk Iron Man with my own two hands!” She turned to shout around the tree. “I will end you, you mouth-breathing, moss-licker!  _And_  you stepped all over my joke, you ungrateful asswagon!”

“Agent Lewis,” Coulson’s sharp reprimand grabbed Darcy’s attention. “Please stop insulting the monster chucking rocks at us for thirty seconds so I can draw a bead on him when he isn’t providing color commentary on your sense of humor. You can chew him out once we have him in custody.”

“You’re damned right I’ll be chewing him out.” She crossed her arms. “Who throws rocks? Honestly!” she bellowed into the night. (Another rock hit her tree.)

Bigfoot. Bigfoot threw rocks, apparently, because ten minutes later they had him in the cuffs meant to hold a metahuman as strong as Steve Rogers and he did not go quietly into that good night. To top off his night, Bigfoot also received a lecture from an indignant Darcy about how to be a more appreciative audience while she filled out his intake paperwork.

Only Coulson’s lightning reflexes prevented disaster when Bigfoot took exception and tried to spit in her face.

“RUDE,” Darcy spat as the junior agents hauled away the howling giant primate. She turned to her director and sometimes-partner with a smile of thanks, “Thanks, boss.”

“Anytime,” he laid a hand on her shoulder and took a seat on the bench by her side, facing the opposite direction. “You did good tonight,” he mentioned without meeting her eyes.

She shrugged. “All I did was make him angry. You shot the Bogeyman.”

“You provided an excellent distraction, heckling the target into giving up his position.”

“I do have a gift for pissing people off.”

“I hesitate to say it, but Bigfoot’s not a people,” Coulson’s lips twisted as if the words even  _tasted_  as bad coming out of his mouth as they sounded.

“That’s for Sci Div to sort out. All I do is bag and tag.” Darcy rose to her feet, brushing the forest floor from her leather jumpsuit. She groaned. “I need a beer and a bath.”

Coulson nodded. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Wanna join me?” Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she held out a hand in invitation.

He smiled and shook his head at her impertinence. “What would you do if I said yes one of these times?”

She lifted a shoulder in casual dismissal. “If I didn’t want you to say yes, I wouldn’t keep asking.”


End file.
